Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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