If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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