the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
