If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
