two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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