Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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