i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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