i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
