With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
