i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
