Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
