First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
