is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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