We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
