i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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