He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
