Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
