You don't have asthma, your pregnant
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
