No awkward lesbian experiences without me
North Korea, Best Korea!
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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