Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
