I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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