my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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