Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
