we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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