I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
