Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
