Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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