I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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