Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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