I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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