whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
