you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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