I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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