I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I have post one night stand depression
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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