@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
