Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
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like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
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You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize