i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
