I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
