Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
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At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
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I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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