Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
