The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
