May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
