If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
