Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
