She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
