Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
