the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
