his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
