im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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