Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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