but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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