Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
