his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
