I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
