I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
whose ass print is on the piano?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
