Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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