a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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