Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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