I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I forget how to act sober
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
