Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
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Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
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The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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