just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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