I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
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I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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