Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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