so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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