My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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