apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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