Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
