wake up i wanna do it froggy style
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
